oh no

It's too late to take it back. He curses himself, on some level. He really shouldn't have admitted--but then, what else was he going to do? He should have lied, is what. Even though he's certain now, he hasn't had time to actually examine the reality he's unlocked yet. He doesn't know what it means that it's true, he doesn't know what he plans to do with that information or how it fits in, and some visceral sense tells him he doesn't want to. His sense, intuitive and deep, is that knowing this about himself will change things. Change him. That's not necessarily a good thing. It can't be a good thing--one way or another, it's going to make him worse. If it doesn't make him a bigger monster, it makes him a weaker person. He can't have either one, can only just stomach the first and he can't allow the other at all. He can't un-know this. Why did he let Ranboo--no, why did he let himself let Ranboo draw him in like that? What kind of idiotic, horrible impulse was that?

And just to make this all the more childish and stupid, his brain interjects an added note: his stomach hurts.

He lets his breath out all in one heavy gust.

"Yes? Why does this matter to you so much? Is this your new fetish? Did you figure something out? I said yeah, I'm not going to say no afterwards. Yeah. That's my final answer. Take it or leave it." His jaw presses back, his brain still working behind it all. Pushes him, churning through the waters of deeper thought while the rest of him forms a new wall against the world.