generationlost: (Default)
[personal profile] generationlost posting in [community profile] swampofsadness


There's a knock at the door.

The sound is startling, makes Ranboo suddenly bolt upright from where they'd been lounging on the couch.

Knock-knock.

They pick themselves up from the couch and, as quietly as possible, they creep out of the room, searching frantically for somewhere to hide; his frame is much too long to tuck away into a cabinet or something, but he does, with some internal amusement at the joke, find a closet to tuck himself away into. Thankfully the swords in there aren't taking up too much space.

Knock knock, Dirk! There's a knock at the door!

Date: 2024-12-15 02:42 pm (UTC)
themostempty: (Default)
From: [personal profile] themostempty
Dirk, for his part, was... not expecting this to be such a long haul project. He honestly expected Ranboo to get over himself in a few days. But it became apparent quickly that whatever was wrong with him wasn't just in his head. Or rather, it might have been, but it was a physical problem with his head and not just him wallowing in his emotions.

Ranboo stumbled. He slurred. He was sluggish and confused. There was a strained element to his breathing. Dirk was, honestly, a little afraid he was going to die.

He couldn't stand for that. Not after everything he'd done for him. Not after how much work, how much time, how much care he'd put into him. He wasn't letting Ranboo go without a fight. He wasn't letting Ranboo go. He was going to fight it. Whatever 'it' was.

So, he carried him to the bathroom. He checked on him while he slept, and woke up during the night to check on him. He researched nutrient dense foods in a way different from the way he loaded his own foods, studied metabolism and bioavailability, and woke Ranboo up to make him eat, even if "eating" meant "forcing him to drink Dirk-original smoothies concocted for their benefits to the body, taste be damned."

If it came to it, he was even willing to bribe Ranboo--if he was too fucked up for sex, maybe he could sway him by offering to buy him a candy bar.

Finally, there came a day when it seemed the dam broke. Dirk was home when the crying started. He could hear it, back there in the bedroom. It went on for seemingly hours; sometimes quiet enough that he could basically ignore that it was happening, or even start to wonder if it was over, sometimes loud enough to make the tension he was forcibly ignoring awkward on top of stressful.

He did not go in the room until things had quieted down, this time seemingly for good.

When he finally does, it's... weird. He doesn't know what to do about all that. He doesn't know whether he should have come in here at all, frankly. He stands silhouetted in the doorway for a good minute or so, staring wordlessly at Ranboo's ragged, weakened form on his bed.

Then, slowly, he walks up and sits stiffly on the edge of the mattress, his back to Ranboo. He still doesn't speak, silently hoping that Ranboo will say something first.

Date: 2024-12-16 12:08 pm (UTC)
themostempty: (Default)
From: [personal profile] themostempty
He's so relieved that Ranboo did speak first that he doesn't even care that the question is a stupid one. He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding--although his body doesn't relax at all.

"You keep asking me that," he says, which isn't an answer. "But you never believe anything I say when I telll you. I don't know what you wanna hear." He glances back at them, just for a second. Then he tuurns around again, staring at his own doorway. On some level, he just wonders what he's doing. Why he's trying so hard. He knows the answer, obviously. But why? Why is he like this? Why is this the only answer?

"I'm doing this for you."

Date: 2024-12-16 12:27 pm (UTC)
themostempty: (Default)
From: [personal profile] themostempty
"Yeah." Dirk doesn't disagree.

"I knew this was going to be a hassle, but you've really pushed the limits of what I've got to give." He realised at some point that this is what his bros must have been through with him. Only it would have been years. A decade and a half of this, and worse. That made it easier, somehow. If they could do it, so could he. Pay it forward, or something.

Framing it that way sounds a hell of a lot better than 'refusing to let go.' But he committed to this.

"I told you not to make it easy for them. Remember? You don't get to tap out because that's their win. You keep telling me you want to die, but I know you don't want them to win. You looked me in the eye when I took bolt cutters to that mask because you'd rather have died free than live with their prison on your fucking face. But you didn't die there. You got to live. Now that's your responsibility, here. I keep you alive, you live, Showfall pisses their little pants in fury, we all keep going until one or the other loses for real. That's the game. I'm playing too, here. And I'm on team Ranboo."

Date: 2025-01-13 10:41 pm (UTC)
themostempty: (Default)
From: [personal profile] themostempty
"Good man." Dirk voices his approval the only way he really knows how. Praise, the way he'd want to hear it.

He doesn't relax now, either, but he's glad to see Ranboo letting go of some of his... whatever it is that has him convinced that his is a tortured existence. Which it is, maybe. But it's not that bad, from where Dirk is sitting. Ranboo just isn't conditioned to it, yet. The looming threat of losing for real, knowing that it's coming, that it will come sooner or later and there's nothing you can do about it except push it back. To fight against it until ultimately you go to fight it and this time it wins.

It's not a great life, but for Dirk, that's what life is and he's always known that. It's less fair in Ranboo's case, though. As far as Dirk can tell, nothing about Ranboo earned this, or warrants it at all. He's never done anything except want to be free. Free from something he doesn't seem to have agreed to, and Dirk doesn't see anything inherently present in Ranboo that suggests it's needed or deserved. Maybe that's what keeps sticking in Ranboo's brain. The unfairness.

But if so, that's just... too bad. There's nothing anyone can do about that.

He sighs, tired of thinking about this already. Holding out until Ranboo stopped crying was bad enough.

"You ready to eat something? Or do you need to talk about your feelings some more?"
Edited Date: 2025-01-13 10:43 pm (UTC)

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